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Date my Pet’s profiles are so saccharine it’s hard to believe these people know what dating is.

Users spend more time describing their pets than they do themselves, and they use words like “purrfect” and “nosewiggling” with such reckless abandon that even the Care Bears would be disgusted.

“You don’t have to be a farmer, but you do have to have good old-fashioned down to earth values,” says Jerry Miller, the site’s founder.

Based on Face Mate’s example photos, their facial recognition software not only works, it works well: Look at that picture and try to tell us you don’t find it creepy. It looks like one of their faces was cloned and grafted onto the other person’s head. Instead of doing something radical—like lowering your unrealistic standards or trying not to be so shallow—look for a date at Beautiful People, where the only members are those deemed attractive enough to grace the site’s presence.

The Atlasphere feels less like a genuine dating site and more like a place for people to tell each other how awesome they are for liking Ayn Rand.

Are those the sort of people we really want to be reproducing?

Datecraft’s homepage shows pictures of the latest 15 visitors, and at any given time the collection fulfills every sad cliché about lonely gamers.

13 of the 15 people will be guys, at least one of them will be dressed like a druid and another one will be using a picture of his character.

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